A few weeks ago, I was at a get together at a friends house and a family I know was speaking of their 18 year old daughter. She has never been allowed to date while living at home and now she is off at college and is dating an older man.
I was shocked to hear her parents say things such as, "I told her she needs to date plenty of men and not to get serious about any of them right now" and "She doesn't need to be looking for a marriage partner right now, she needs to finish school". This is a Christian family.
How far from God's word we have come when we are telling our children to date but not look for a spouse. What else is dating for if not to look for a spouse? We all know what dating leads to if it is done in a "casual" manner and that should not be acceptable for any Christian family. It makes me wonder if these parents have truly thought through the consequences of "trying out" many different men in order to "make sure she finds the right one". Not only will this girls reputation be compromised (even if nothing ever happens with any of these men) but she puts herself in danger when she goes out alone with men she does not know and her parents have never met. With all the instances of date rape and also our own fleshly desires, this can be a dangerous situation. It is beyond my understanding how any parent could encourage their children to live in a lifestyle that can lead them into sinful actions and also be downright dangerous.
I absolutely hate the saying, "There are alot of fish in the sea". Men and women are not a commodity to be tossed aside for something better. Whatever happened to treating each other with respect? What happened to the ideal of marriage to one person for a lifetime and courting/dating to fulfill that purpose?
Personally, I like courtship and plan to use this model with my daughter. It is a healthier and safer environment. This not only allows two individuals to get to know each other in a safe environment, but it allows the families to get to know the individual interested in their child. It also helps the individuals to avoid the temptations that come with dating.
No matter what is chosen in a family, whether it be courtship or dating, the goal should be the same. To find a marriage partner for life while remaining pure for your future spouse.
In His Service,
Angela
5 comments:
I currently don't have any children, but I agree with you regarding this subject matter. When I was in college, there were many young women who used to "float" from one young man to the next, and I never understood this behavior, especially when they would complain about getting their "hearts broken" over a particular young man. When it ended, they would usually retort your un-favorite saying, "Well, there is plenty of other fish in the sea."
I've never liked "dating." It always seemed like such a "meat market" experience. Fortunately, I was spared that madness by the grace of God. While I was single, I used to pray that God would help me to find a good husband without all the hassles of worldly dating. God must have heard my prayers, for the man I am married to - we knew each other 8 years before we actually got married. It was hard to wait, but now I know that it was truly worth it.
Anyway, I am glad that you will not be letting your daughter join the ranks of the "meat market." (smiles) By the way, what is the first name of the college girl that's dating men in college? I would like to pray for her. I don't want her to get "caught-up" in something dangerous.
Her name is Clare.
Angela,
this is the first time I read Your blog. Thank You for it!
This particular subject of courtship interests me - how does it happen? Can you define it to me, explain briely?
I'm painfully aware of the destruction I brought myself by wrong behaviour in these matters. I am 37 and only got married last fall. I wa not raised in a Christian culture, my parents did believe, my mother's still alive and my best female friend and support, but the way of life was not the way it could have been. Since then, I'm obviously responsible myself.
I am asking about courtship in order for me to be able to answer to others if I'm lead to critically discuss dating.
Thank You for Your time, may the Lord lead Your day.
Love,
Kirsti from Finland
Pumpuli,
You have some very good questions and I am working on an answer for you now.
Just a little explanation about the name I use here - Pumpuli is the name of my ragdoll-cat and means A Cotton Ball, which is the way he looks like. The picture I use here is a fun one, taken in a zoo in Finland. There are beautiful lynx to admire there (http://www.ahtarinelainpuisto.fi/) as well as this life size image that you can stand behind and stick your face in the place of the 'face' of the lynx. It was taken on our way back from our modest little wedding up in the north of Finland in October 2008.
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