Our Journey - Part 1

Nine and a half years ago, we were blessed with the most beautiful little girl, and thus began our journey into parenthood. Six weeks later, I was told by my doctors that I should not have any more children due to health reasons. I had a tubal ligation and put an end to my child bearing years.

For the next eight years, I went through multiple periods of depression, frustration and anger because I could no longer have children. My dream had been to have a house full of children. What made things worse was that I had to work full time and felt like I was missing my only opportunity to raise a child. I was missing out on all of those precious first moments that I so wanted to be a part of. I was blessed to have my mother and mother-in-law to keep my daughter while I was working but I was jealous of them because they were able to be a part of her life everyday while I only had a about two hours each evening in which to cook dinner, get her bathed and spend time with her before she fell asleep.

What I came to realize during this time, was that when my doctors spoke, I reacted, but not in the way I should have. I did not take the time to think and pray about this decision. I just did it. A part of me knew that I would not go through with it if I stopped to think about it. The sad thing is, that is exactly what I should have done. I should have taken the time to ask G-d what he wanted me to do. If I had, I never would have gone through with the procedure.

I spent eight years of my life angry, frustrated and depressed because I was not living in obedience to G-d's will for my life. I will not say those years were wasted because I had my beautiful little Abby and four years ago, I was able to come home to be with her. However, because of my disobedience, I felt no real peace or joy.

Then my husband and I made a decision that would change everything.